Free To Be Me

I learned to read and write by the time I was seven and was fascinated with books. They were safe adventures; a place of escape from real life, which already was difficult due to my mother's emotional abuse. By the time I finished elementary school I had read every book in the school library except the dictionaries and encyclopedias, which could not be checked out.
I walked several miles every week to the branch library and carried home as many books as my arms could hold. (Wish we'd had backpacks then.)

My love of reading slowly lead to writing. At 16, I was published in our denomination's teen Sunday School paper; receiving the Honorable Mention award in a writing contest. Someday I dreamed I would be an author and write a series of books. My teachers encouraged me; and I relished writing assignments.

But my private writing was the most important. With a domineering and demanding mother I needed a safe place to express myself. By the time I was in junior high school, my mother never read my homework. So I hid my private writing with my school papers. I learned how to put my emotions into words. I believe it was that freedom of expression that kept me from becoming like my mother.

My high school College English teacher showed me that my writing was always faith based no matter what she assigned. She encouraged me to keep writing and was glad to know that I wrote, in private, about my feelings. I wonder now, if she knew I was a wounded child.

Today, we recognize that emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical or sexual abuse. I was an adult, before I realized that I had an abusive mother- growing up I thought it was the norm.
In nursing school I began to understand that my mother had a personality disorder; her mother probably did also and I was determined not to follow in their destructive paths.

From a young age I was a protector and nurturer for my siblings, but sadly I had no protector. I did have encouragers- mostly teachers; and I did have a way of escape and expression- books and writing.

My current writing instructor and mentor tells me to "free write" everyday. "Just put pen to paper and let it write; you will find that your deepest thoughts will be revealed." I've been doing that for years; I just didn't know it had a name. I do know that it has given me emotional stability.

I encourage you to journal as an expression of your feelings and inner most thoughts. You'll learn things about yourself that will help yoiu cope with life's ups and downs better, and will help you to be the best you can be, which is God's desire for you.

By the way, a journal is much cheaper than a therapist.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about problem-solving through your journal. 'Til then...

Selah-

Shalom, Connie

Thursday prayer focus: those who are troubled or hurting.