Woe Is Me ~ part 1

      Fatigue opens the door to “woe is me,” which includes being self-absorbed, having fears, and pity parties.

      “Self” is the center of your world when you are ill. I live alone so I was not inflicting “me, me, me” on anyone. But after days and weeks I was sick of being sick, sick of only thinking about myself.

      As a retired nurse, I ‘m used to being the helper and the fixer. As ill as I have been, I needed help and I could not “fix” myself. It is hard to ask for help. It is hard not knowing what is wrong nor how to fix it.

      Thus, it was a blessing when my neighbor dropped in and surprised me by bringing supper one night. Since then, when she is going out, she asks if I want something from McDonalds^® or other nearby fast food restaurants. She picks up my medicine for me. She also calls or comes to check on me every day or so.

We laugh ‘cause she’s bossy. “Why is your oxygen off?” “You need to get out of your apartment, Missy.” “Where’s your knitting?” When she is too bossy, I call her Mom. Still when she asks how I am, I know she cares and I am honest with her. Her goal for me is to have a girl’s day out with her. Not a priority for me, but when I am able to go, I will.

      BTW, she needs to be needed. So for us, we both benefit. I thank her frequently as she adds cheerfulness and stability to my days. Moreover, I do not have to worry about transportation; she is always there for me. If I cannot fix a meal, she will.

Ironically, this neighbor and I have little in common. Yet we have grown to love each other as sisters growing old together.

      Anticipation of an ill person’s needs, just being present including knowing when not to talk, and letting them know they are not forgotten via a card or a phone call- even a voice mail or text… these encourage and add hope.

      Who needs a touch from you today?

Selah… think on this.

Connie

P.S. 7/23/15: Was admitted to the hospital unexpectedly 7/20. Am resting & will return a shortly. My friend (see above) was there for me!

Fatigue is much more than being tired

Fatigue is incapacitating and makes you…

F rail and vulnerable, and

A nxious including doubting your value.

T ired in the extreme and lonely, but you have no energy for a visitor.

I rritable, impatient and you are unable to concentrate or focus.

G oalless and “woe is me” sets in along with a

U seless roller coaster of emotions resulting in the need for

E ncouragement

Coping with fatigue is a difficult challenge because of the above. I felt like the world was moving around me, but I was not part of it. I was not even part of my own world. I could not think at a depth needed for writing. Some days I could not complete the simplest Sudoku puzzle or follow the plot of a TV mystery or other movies.

Thankfully, I slept much of those first weeks. As my naps became shorter and further apart, I decided to create a new routine for each day. Without a bit of structure, my days melded one into another and I felt a skewed sense of time.

My doctor’s instruction began and ended my day. To this I added, for at least 10 minutes each:

           Write a memory in each of the grandkids’ Gramma books.
            Knit on simple afghan.
           Write a note to a friend.
           Read something fun.
           Play a computer game or Sudoku.

The above actions were to be spaced throughout my day, as I had to pace myself in order to complete anything. Cooking for me was literally do step 1 and rest, step 2 and rest, etc. Normal activities of daily living took extremely long. There were days I could not get dressed. On my worst days, I tried to do at least one out of the five.

Consider this when you or a loved one is ill- especially those with chronic illness and/or pain and terminal conditions.

Selah… think on this.

Connie

Prayer for Restoration from Fatigue*:

Gracious God, As my body is depleted of energy, my mind loses focus. My tired spirit sags as if it were a balloon losing its air. Sometimes even restorative sleep eludes me. Help me avoid what drains rather than feeds me. Nudge me to take time to sit in perfect stillness while You massage my soul. When I go to bed, wrap Your love around me like the softest shawl that I may sleep peacefully in Your embrace. Because and through Your Son, I ask all this so I may fulfill Your call on my life. Amen.

*Adapted; original source unknown

~ ~ ~

RETURNING...

Yeah! I have returned with a new computer-- used, but with the hope it will last awhile. In addition, during my time offline, I have had a life-style change.

Briefly, I went into heart failure resulting in my doctor's orders, "Just rest for the next two weeks." Actually, activities of necessity were all I could tolerate. Resting was easy at first. Movies and sleep filled my days. Then boredom set in. In spite of no energy, I had to be doing something.

[Here's where you ask, "How bored were you?"]

I set to cleaning out my  four drawer filing cabinet. Now that is really BORED. In the process... done very slowly... I alphabetized my writing, sorted it into completed and "still workin' on it." I started a box for donations and one for disposal. 

It took weeks to accomplish it, but I felt better having completed a project. Meanwhile, after the expected 2-3 weeks of rest, I had not improved leading to wearing a heart monitor for the 30 days of June.

[The results are back and I am now waiting for an appointment with the cardiologist.]

I have been reflecting on the value of the weeks of downtime I have experienced. Was there a purpose for my idleness? 

I believe that God never wastes any moments of our lives. Thus I began pondering over the last 3 months. I will be sharing my thoughts in future posts. 

Tomorrow, I will start with fatigue, one of the major symptoms for those with both acute and chronic illnesses.

I am glad to be back! Welcome to new and old readers!