What Is My Best?

 I recently read Ann Voskamp’s online comment about calendars: rather than looking at each box as a list of to dos, consider each box as a gift to open.

None of us know how many calendar boxes we have left. At 71 years of age, I have already been blessed with over 35,000. On my calendar I now place a red border on the first  empty box and write:  Each Box a Gift to Open!

Last month I read two books to help me get passed my fickle emotions:

And Not One Bird Stopped Singing: Coping with Transitions and the Losses of Aging 

by Doris Moreland Jones

Emotional Victory: How You Deal With How You Feel 

by D. Bud Calvert

Dr. Calvert wrote, “My days of serving the Lord are numbered and I need to give Him my best.” (page 190) I did not expect this to be a positive, motivating statement for me. But that’s exactly how it struck me. And I remembered David’s words, “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered- how fleeting my life is.” (Psalm 39:4)

  

Do you remember Faggin, in the musical Oliver? Knowing Bill Sykes plans to kill him and holding his cache of money and jewelry, he sings:

¯What happens when I'm seventy?
Must come a time...seventy.
When you're old, and it's cold
And who cares if you live or you die,
Your one consolation's the money
You may have put by...

...I think I'd better think it out again!

I'm reviewing the situation.¯

My mission is to encourage others through my experiences. Therefore, I’m’ setting aside my fickle emotions and using my writer’s eye, and ¯I am reviewing the situation.¯

Health issues and all, the question is not, “How many days?” It is, “What is my best?”

First, let’s agree that feelings are fickle and unreliable. Although without them, we cannot be compassionate, patient, kind, long-suffering, etc. Keeping them in the proper perspective is the key to not allowing them to overrule the heart, mind and God’s plan for the day. His calendar box to open as a gift!

Thus, the best is whatever we are capable of each day. Beginning with a positive attitude and the willingness for God to use us. Our focus must be on the do-ables and what we have vs. our losses. Easy? No, especially when not feeling well. Possible? Yes

For me- with my physical limitations- this is my BEST:

May my better moments be Yours, O Lord to do with as You may.
May my stitches be even and entwined with love.

May my writing be Your thoughts… not my opinion.

May my resting renew my strength and refresh my spirit.

May my down times provide time to ponder Your goodness to me.

May my studying and reading prepare me to glorify You, Lord.
May my teaching touch hearts and draw them nearer to You.
May my life be a reflection of Your love. 

How about you? What is your best?

Selah...

Connie

Heart Rehab

This is a NuStep exerciser that I use in Cardiac Rehab. It's like walking while you are sitting. It tracks several things including the number of steps, the minutes you're exercising, calories used and how far you walk. I have gone 1-1 1/2 miles per session- more than I thought I could.

Because I have a heart monitor on, I feel safe; and therefore, willing to push past my limits. The Cardiac Rehab team are great encouragers, as they monitor my progress.

I go two times per week to exercise plus a class weekly to help me change my life style.The others are at different stages. Two have "graduated..." meaning they have completed all 38 sessions and are committing to continuing their new life style. Some have had open heart surgery, heart attacks or, like me, have new stents.
They, too, encourage me to keep trying because I will feel better and I will increase my energy level and stamina.

This week will be sessions four and five with 33 to go!

My goal is to walk Ponderosa Loop, which is a mile around, with my wonderful gran'kids.[I haven't been able to walk it since the oldest was in pre-school.]

Stay tuned as I progress on the NuStep and take new steps towards being healthier.
Connie

Heartfelt

Had a surprise interruption in posting due to 6 days of hospitalization followed by 6 days of TLC at a neighbor's. Thus...

I am singing praises for the improvement in my health since having a heart cath that opened 2 arteries with stents; and pneumonia, which is resolving. I’ll be starting cardiac rehab soon.

To have finally found the answer is such an emotional relief! I remain chronically ill, but my energy level and stamina will improve. My dwindling hope has taken a 360° turn and filling my emotional cup to overflowing. Slowly I’ll be returning to my knitting and writing. 

Feelin' good,

Connie

Woe Is Me-part 4

 In my previous posts, I have been sharing my experience with fatigue.Fatigue and self-absorption can lead to “pity parties.” As one inclined toward depression since my teens, I know from experience to recognize the signs of potential depression and to take positive action.

Inside my kitchen cabinet door, I have posted a list with signs of my depression and action to take. I know them well, but they are there as a reminder that I have conquered depression and can avoid it; if I recognize it early, and determine to conquer or at least control it.

Add fatigue to the equation. That complicates and limits the action that can be taken; e.g., going for a walk, inviting friends over, or do a good deed in secret are too energy consuming.

During a recent bout of being Pitiful Pearl, I decided to find a new way. Thus Pity Party Smashers was born.

When you are feeling sorry for yourself, you are totally self-absorbed as noted in a previous post. Rather than attempting to take the attention off yourself, which can be nearly impossible when you are so very tired, I focused on turning negative thoughts into positive ones.

Contentment is realizing what you do have rather than on your losses.

Therefore, I used a variety of writing prompts- grammar, spelling, punctuation and full sentences not needed here. The challenge is to write for 3-5 minutes (longer. if able) using any one or more of the prompts.

Let me use one as an example.

I am wearing…

This one is intended to get you to notice if you got dressed? Put on make-up? Combed your hair? Each one helps you feel better mentally. How about wearing that shirt which makes your eyes so brilliant blue. Or getting out that super soft shawl or afghan to comfort you. A spritz of cologne can up your mood.

Some days I did not have enough energy to get dressed, but I could have dusted my breasts with my Ciara powder that leaves a sparkle behind. I always feel special wearing it. So what if I’m in my lounging robe! So what if I have leads attached to a heart monitor.

PITY PARTY SMASHERS

a.k.a., Snap Out of It 

Out my window...

I am wearing…

I hear…

My favorite color…

A memory that makes me smile…

If money was no obstacle, I would…

I am inspired by…

I am learning…

My favorite Scripture is…

A book I recommend…

Over a cup of tea, let’s chat about…

I am so glad God…

A spiritual highlight…

I am praying…

I feel…

My favorite…

Music…

I am thankful…

A source of joy…

An important truth to remember…

My favorite quotation…

Upon completion, reread them then post your responses where they will seen easily as a reminder throughout your day. You can add to them throughout the day, as well. When no longer needed either toss them away OR write the outcome and save it to encourage you another day.

Suggestion: Keep the prompts on a 3”x5” index card in your purse or wallet. Pity Parties do not always happen at home.

I have used the above prompts several times during these weeks of confinement and found them effective in raising my spirits. In fact, I was writing a letter to a friend yet feeling down. So I wrote I was going to use my Pity Party Smashers right there in my letter. Before completing the letter my attitude was more positive and I even solved a problem I was stewing over unrelated to my feelings or my correspondence.

When my friend replied to my letter, she wrote, “I could see the change! You were glowing by the time you stopped writing.” 

We can feel like a “lonely petunia in an onion patch” and cry all day or we can move that petunia into a more positive atmosphere. I prefer to “snap out of it.”

Selah…

Connie

Next post: How Can You Give Your Best When Fatigued and Struggling?

Woe Is Me - Part 2 & 3

Fatigue leads to fears. For seniors, like me, those fears include becoming incapacitated, developing dementia, and dying.

For me, my immediate fear is that a diagnosis and treatment will not be found. If so, my current life-style will have to become permanent. The unknown is a fear in itself.

My call to write a book is the hope I cling to each day. I believe God will provide the time and the way to complete it. Therefore, I will accept the challenge to live each day the best* that I can in order to fulfill His plan for my life.

Selah… think on this.

Fatigue brings on loneliness- even when others are present. It stems from fickle feelings, such as, nobody understands what I’m going through, they act like I’m not sick at all, they wait on me like I’m incompetent, cannot they see I need some help? Unrealistic expectations on both sides end in conflict. Fatigue makes it difficult to resolve those conflicts.

I remember years ago that I had hepatitis as a complication of mononucleosis; however, I was not contagious. My dear neighbor made sure I had food and anything else that I needed, but she would not come into my house. Her fear was unfounded and I would have appreciated visiting with her, especially as I improved and slept less. My own parents would not come even though for my son, a first grader, who would have loved a trip to McDonalds^®… definitely more exciting than being stuck with a sick mother .

This time, I live alone and just want the comfort of someone peeking in on me. With little energy for conversation, we could have watched a movie together. Just someone’s presence was what I craved.

I might add, the person, who knows when not to talk, is an extra-special blessing.

As a Parish nurse, I often sat at a bedside without saying a word so the patient could rest. When something was needed, I was there. My presence brought comfort to the patient and the nurses were grateful to have another nurse’s eyes assessing the patient.

Selah… think on this.

Connie

* Future post: "What is the best?"

Woe Is Me ~ part 1

      Fatigue opens the door to “woe is me,” which includes being self-absorbed, having fears, and pity parties.

      “Self” is the center of your world when you are ill. I live alone so I was not inflicting “me, me, me” on anyone. But after days and weeks I was sick of being sick, sick of only thinking about myself.

      As a retired nurse, I ‘m used to being the helper and the fixer. As ill as I have been, I needed help and I could not “fix” myself. It is hard to ask for help. It is hard not knowing what is wrong nor how to fix it.

      Thus, it was a blessing when my neighbor dropped in and surprised me by bringing supper one night. Since then, when she is going out, she asks if I want something from McDonalds^® or other nearby fast food restaurants. She picks up my medicine for me. She also calls or comes to check on me every day or so.

We laugh ‘cause she’s bossy. “Why is your oxygen off?” “You need to get out of your apartment, Missy.” “Where’s your knitting?” When she is too bossy, I call her Mom. Still when she asks how I am, I know she cares and I am honest with her. Her goal for me is to have a girl’s day out with her. Not a priority for me, but when I am able to go, I will.

      BTW, she needs to be needed. So for us, we both benefit. I thank her frequently as she adds cheerfulness and stability to my days. Moreover, I do not have to worry about transportation; she is always there for me. If I cannot fix a meal, she will.

Ironically, this neighbor and I have little in common. Yet we have grown to love each other as sisters growing old together.

      Anticipation of an ill person’s needs, just being present including knowing when not to talk, and letting them know they are not forgotten via a card or a phone call- even a voice mail or text… these encourage and add hope.

      Who needs a touch from you today?

Selah… think on this.

Connie

P.S. 7/23/15: Was admitted to the hospital unexpectedly 7/20. Am resting & will return a shortly. My friend (see above) was there for me!

Fatigue is much more than being tired

Fatigue is incapacitating and makes you…

F rail and vulnerable, and

A nxious including doubting your value.

T ired in the extreme and lonely, but you have no energy for a visitor.

I rritable, impatient and you are unable to concentrate or focus.

G oalless and “woe is me” sets in along with a

U seless roller coaster of emotions resulting in the need for

E ncouragement

Coping with fatigue is a difficult challenge because of the above. I felt like the world was moving around me, but I was not part of it. I was not even part of my own world. I could not think at a depth needed for writing. Some days I could not complete the simplest Sudoku puzzle or follow the plot of a TV mystery or other movies.

Thankfully, I slept much of those first weeks. As my naps became shorter and further apart, I decided to create a new routine for each day. Without a bit of structure, my days melded one into another and I felt a skewed sense of time.

My doctor’s instruction began and ended my day. To this I added, for at least 10 minutes each:

           Write a memory in each of the grandkids’ Gramma books.
            Knit on simple afghan.
           Write a note to a friend.
           Read something fun.
           Play a computer game or Sudoku.

The above actions were to be spaced throughout my day, as I had to pace myself in order to complete anything. Cooking for me was literally do step 1 and rest, step 2 and rest, etc. Normal activities of daily living took extremely long. There were days I could not get dressed. On my worst days, I tried to do at least one out of the five.

Consider this when you or a loved one is ill- especially those with chronic illness and/or pain and terminal conditions.

Selah… think on this.

Connie

Prayer for Restoration from Fatigue*:

Gracious God, As my body is depleted of energy, my mind loses focus. My tired spirit sags as if it were a balloon losing its air. Sometimes even restorative sleep eludes me. Help me avoid what drains rather than feeds me. Nudge me to take time to sit in perfect stillness while You massage my soul. When I go to bed, wrap Your love around me like the softest shawl that I may sleep peacefully in Your embrace. Because and through Your Son, I ask all this so I may fulfill Your call on my life. Amen.

*Adapted; original source unknown

~ ~ ~

RETURNING...

Yeah! I have returned with a new computer-- used, but with the hope it will last awhile. In addition, during my time offline, I have had a life-style change.

Briefly, I went into heart failure resulting in my doctor's orders, "Just rest for the next two weeks." Actually, activities of necessity were all I could tolerate. Resting was easy at first. Movies and sleep filled my days. Then boredom set in. In spite of no energy, I had to be doing something.

[Here's where you ask, "How bored were you?"]

I set to cleaning out my  four drawer filing cabinet. Now that is really BORED. In the process... done very slowly... I alphabetized my writing, sorted it into completed and "still workin' on it." I started a box for donations and one for disposal. 

It took weeks to accomplish it, but I felt better having completed a project. Meanwhile, after the expected 2-3 weeks of rest, I had not improved leading to wearing a heart monitor for the 30 days of June.

[The results are back and I am now waiting for an appointment with the cardiologist.]

I have been reflecting on the value of the weeks of downtime I have experienced. Was there a purpose for my idleness? 

I believe that God never wastes any moments of our lives. Thus I began pondering over the last 3 months. I will be sharing my thoughts in future posts. 

Tomorrow, I will start with fatigue, one of the major symptoms for those with both acute and chronic illnesses.

I am glad to be back! Welcome to new and old readers!

Official Now

My computer has died. Will return when able to post brief messages. Connie

At the Well

The walk to the well is usually a time of catching up on the village news, but I left early this morning so I wouldn’t meet the others. As Mary’s pregnancy is more evident, the barbed remarks have increased. This morning, of all mornings, I just couldn’t face them. My tears won’t stop. I am afraid for Mary. It is too close to her time to be traveling all the way to Bethlehem.

Yes, I know Joseph will take care of her, Lord, but couldn’t you have delayed the census a little while? Is this old lady’s request too much for you, Almighty G-d? Would it have too hard to have Mary’s needs considered? After all, she sings with great joy that you have chosen her. Yet you let her travel? Have mercy, G-d on this old woman. Forgive my arrogance. I just love my granddaughter and fear for her and the baby she’ll soon deliver. Lord, can you give me a sign… a little one perhaps? To show me that Mary is well?

The tears continued to flow, as I neared the well.

Oy, at least I can draw the water without the other woman smiling while looking at one another with their “I know the real story” expressions. I don’t even understand… how could they?

“Woman, why are you weeping?”

Frightened, I turned to see a Roman soldier looking down at me.

What does one say to a Roman? He knows nothing about women’s trials or the promised Messiah.

“Forgive an old lady, Sir. I am worried about my granddaughter traveling all the way to Bethlehem for the census.”

“So you weep? I thought you Jews trusted your god to take care of everything!” He turned and marched off laughing.

I sank to my knees and wept bitterly.

My G-d, forgive me. A sign… I ask for a sign and you send me a Roman soldier. Oy, after all these years, this old woman still doubts . . . still doesn’t put all her trust in you. Forgive this old woman once again. You alone know why Mary must make this journey. Why she is with child that’s not Joseph’s; and yet he trusts you and takes her into his home. My G-d, my G-d, help this old woman to understand . . . to trust in you in all things. Until the Messiah comes, I am your servant.

Little did I know that as I wept at the well, Mary, too, was weeping as she knelt in the hay before the manger that cradled her newborn baby. A son, as G-d had said. To be named Jesus, as Joseph had been told. Yes, Mary wept with both joy and fear as she pondered all that was and was to come.

This great-grandmother will not live to see this little one grow into a man. But I will serve the Lord faithfully all my remaining days, as I promised that quiet morning by at the well.

~ ~ ~

This writer spent the birthday of the Messiah at home alone . . . also in tears. Illness kept me from my family and I wept for understanding… for the loss of memory-building moments with my grandchildren and son.
I, too, asked for a sign that God was with me for it didn’t feel that way. No Roman soldier appeared. No sign… just the loneliness, and the feeling of being rejected.

The next day, I asked the Lord, “What was I suppose to learn throughout the day of tears?” He gave me the story of the anxious great-grandmother, who, even though she loved the Lord, struggled with the unknown. Her fears were real. For Jesus, who left His throne to be born frail and helpless in a stable, and came to deliver the news of hope and forgiveness, was rejected and despised. What loneliness He must have felt as He hung upon the cross for us!

Like that great-grandmother, I knelt at the Well of Living Water and prayed, "My G-d, forgive me. After all these years, this old woman still doubts . . . still doesn’t place all her trust in you. Forgive this old woman once again. My G-d, help this woman to trust in you in all circumstances and for all things. And until the Messiah comes again, I am your servant."

Christmas 2009

Guest Post

AFTER THE PRESENTS

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

    

When I was a boy I used to look forward to Christmas morning with all the eager anticipation

of a child. I couldn’t wait to crawl under the tree, pull out my presents, and rip off the paper.

Yet, the best part of the day came after the presents. Once those presents were opened I would

spend hours reading the books I got with pure pleasure and playing with the toys I got with joyful

abandon. Yet, the best part of the day came after playtime. Christmas dinner at our house was

more often than not an Italian style feast fit for a king with spaghetti in slow cooked tomato sauce

full of meatballs, steak, potatoes, and chicken all topped off with freshly baked loaves of bread.

Yet, the best part of the day came after dinner.

    The best part of the day was in the evening when the whole family sat down together in the

living room. My brothers and I would be crowded together with my Mom on the couch. My

Dad and Nana would be relaxing in their chairs with warm smiles on their faces. Our little dog,

Duke would be curled up at my feet napping. Freshly popped popcorn would be passed around

while we watched some old Christmas movies on the television. More often than not, though, I

would be watching everyone else instead. I could feel the peace, the love, and the happiness

that connected us all. In my child’s heart too I knew that God was present with us. It was the

best part of the day of the best day of the year. It was Christmas!

    As I grew older and had children of my own I did my best to create special days like this with

them not just at Christmas but all through the year. I realized something special too. I realized

that each day here was a present from God. I realized that each day we lived in love was our

present to God. I realized that each day can be Christmas if we choose. May all of your days

feel like Christmas. May every day feel like the best day of the year.

Lonely or Alone

“…Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and thought about them often.” (Luke 2:19 NLT)

Like Mary, I was in a strange town; I had lost my job, and my family would be out of state for Christmas. Instead of jingle bells I was hearing bill collectors ringing my phone. Depression was keeping me in bed or watching TV so I could turn off reality. It didn’t work.

Then I remembered a story about two men breaking into the apartment of an old lady. It was dark and they were not expecting her to be home, but there she was. They tied her to a chair while searching for jewelry and Christmas gifts. She insisted that there were none; and tried to explain that she had made the choice not to have Christmas so she wouldn’t be lonely and sad.

I, too, had a choice to make. I could be alone or I could be lonely and miserable.

If you are alone or having difficulties this Christmas season, I want to know that Mary, Jesus’ mother, knew loneliness that first Christmas Day even with Joseph at her side. She had delivered the holy infant Son of God miles away from family and would not be able to return to her home in Nazareth for several years. Everything she and Joseph planned was null and void once the census was announced. The cradle Joseph had lovingly craved in his workshop couldn’t go to Bethlehem. Nor could the specially woven basket and layette Mary made… only basics could be taken with them.

Mary knew she had the responsibility of raising God’s Son¾a task she could never discuss at the well with local MOPS ladies. As devoted a father Joseph probably was, the burden still fell upon Mary, who would eventually be kneeling at the foot of the cross when Jesus died.

When we think of Mary, our perspective changes. Christmas, often, doesn’t measure up to our expectations. For others, they are too busy to enjoy the celebration. Yet we can make a choice based on what we have rather than on what we want.

I’ve now retired and live near the beautiful snow-topped Cascade Mountains. I often am alone for Christmas, but each year I mix my traditions:

•              baking cookies to share,

•              knitting gifts,

•              writing letters to far away friends,

•              attending a Christmas Eve service,

•              listening to my favorite carols and the Messiah,

•              reading Christmas mysteries,

•              watching Christmas movies

with new ways to re-tune my heart in preparation for Jesus’ birthday. This year I’m creating a Jessie Tree (Jesus Family Tree) and reading a coordinating devotional each day. And I am writing to encourage you!

Regardless of circumstances, we must remember that Christmas isn’t about stuff. It’s our heart relationship with the Lover of our Soul. As long as we are celebrating with Jesus, we are never alone and never lonely.

ã 2014 Constance Gilbert

As Long as There Is Christmas

By Jack Zavada (with permission to use)

      The first few lights glow brightly, as you watch the season start.

      You know you should be happy, but don't feel it in your heart.

      Instead you think about a time when someone laughed with you,

      and the love you shared then filled your soul But too soon it was 
      through.

      So Christmas comes with sadness, and a yearning deep inside,

      a thirst for love and peace and hope that will not be denied.

      Late one night you hear a voice, so soft and without blame...

      then you realize He's calling your name.

      "I know you hurt and loneliness, the heartache that you bear,

      I listen and I cry with you through every single prayer.

      "I promised in the manger and fulfilled it on the cross.

      I built a home that's filled with love for all those who are lost.

      "So let me come and heal your heart and give you rest within.

      For my way is kind and gentle and will bring you joy again."

      His words still echo through the years, a vow that He made true,

      "As long as there's a Christmas, I will be in love with you."

RIP

My computer is dying & I have no idea when I'll return to post again.
Praying for a new computer...can't write without one. Until then may blessings abound in your life as you draw nearer to the Lord.

Shalom,
Connie

Escape Route

This was a unique reminder for me. Maybe for you also?

THE BUZZARD --

If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

THE BAT--

The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, but it cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash. 

THE BUMBLEBEE-- 

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open glass tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself. –

PEOPLE-- 

In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and the bumblebee. We struggle about with all our problems and frustrations, never realizing that all we have to do is look up! That's the answer, the escape route and the solution to any problem... just look up! –

Sorrow looks back, 

Worry looks around, 

But faith looks up! 

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and trust in our Creator, who loves us.

 [Author unknown]

Spiritual Whitespace

Sometimes we need to sit on the shelf for a while in order to rest and be refilled.

Bonnie Gray's new book speaks of spiritual whitespace; and I have been studying the Israelites as they leave the Sinai desert. They, too, needed to rest physically and spiritually during their desert time.

However, whether we are on the shelf or in the desert or whitespace, we humans seem to find issues to grumble about.

The Israelites received food and water supernaturally everyday, but what did they want? Garlic and onions! God certainly could have flavored their manna with onion and garlic, but He knew their hearts... they were actually being rebellious. Then they demanded meat. He granted that complaint by sending quail... LOTS of quail. Those that ate it died.Gotta watch what you ask for, right?!

I am guilty also. Health issues place me on the shelf quite often. I mumble and grumble and complain rather than asking the right question, "Lord, what is Your plan for me while on this shelf?" Sometimes it is to simply rest. Other times, it is to let my brain wander creatively in preparation for writing later. Often it is for reading and studying scripture... to refill me, to give me a new perception, to prepare me for what is to come, or to remind me to draw closer to the Lover of My Soul.

Selah...think on this

Ahah Moment

I was sorting through some old documents and realized that I needed to clean house more often. Then a phrase caught my eye about God's timing.

After pondering it for a few moments, I understood that God and I cannot go forward until I have done the last thing He told me.

Selah, think on this...

HEARTACHES

My diagnosis, confirmed by an echo-cardiogram, of diastolic dysfunction means that my heart doesn't complete the resting phase before the next beat begins. It's broken... well, not working up to par. 

But I have had a broken heart: when my dreams of being a missionary nurse in India never came true, when my husband died, when I packed the tiny pink clothes of the baby I never got to hold, when I was wrongly accused of inadequate nursing care, when I couldn't run and play with my grandson or hold my grand-daughter. I am sure you, too, can list times when your heart was breaking.

During a period of depression, I was unable to talk with God.  Circumstances were out of my control. My anxiety about the future was at an all time high. I didn't think anyone cared - not even God. A phone call changed my life.

She wasn't what I would call a friend; just an acquaintance. But she called that bleak, heartbreaking day saying, "God impressed upon me to call you. Look up Romans 8:26-27 and know He cares." Then silence.

The silence was broken by the dial tone; I hung up the phone to get my Bible. It was then that I knew David's words were true. God was near!

I turned to the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-12) and followed Jesus' instructions to rejoice and be glad! My heartaches were still there; but heartaches divided are much easier to  handle. The Holy Spirit was taking my needs before God the Father and Jesus, His Son. So do the math,,,      

I only had to bear 1/4th of that heavy burden.

I tend to picture heartaches like dandelions that have gone to seed- their white puffy heads just waiting for a breeze or a child to blow them away. Those tiny hairlike parachutes carry the seeds of my heartaches to be planted in God's love garden.

                   

Heartaches into heartstrings connecting me to my Heavenly Father. Yes, He is near. He cares. He divides the heartaches and multiplies the joys.

              

Pain Is a Gift

Returned!

Many things have been on my heart, but health issues including a surgery has kept them within me. It is time to share those thoughts and to write the book I've been setting aside for too long.

With surgery comes pain and, in my case, was preceded by pain that was making daily life difficult and sleep nearly impossible. Thankfully, now my pain is from of stretching muscles and tendons as I return to using my left arm and shoulder. Life is easier now. Once again I have learned that...

Pain Is Never Wasted by God

Pain comes in all sizes and shapes. It's physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual. We all can relate to pain in some way. My granddaughter's owies are fixed with a mama's kiss and an ice pack or a Band-Aide®. An anti-inflammatory relieves many people's aches and pains. Don't you wish it was that easy for emotional pain?

I've just been through months of physical pain. These events have taught me a few things: that pride keeps me from asking for needed help; who, of my friends, are truly caring; that prayer is essential to healing; and that I'd be in worse shape without the pain.

Where there's physical pain, there is also emotional and mental “side effects.”  Like my feelings of lost control, the emotions of gratefulness for help received, anger with myself for not asking for assistance, and the frustration of not being able to do things as usual. One minute I'm appreciative of the relief of medications and friend's help, next I'm having a pity-party.  Am I unique or do others respond the same way? As a nurse, I can truly say that pain yields many responses. 

It takes more than just medicine to treat pain effectively. With the simple, short-lived pain of a scraped knee, the combination of a mama's kiss and that Band-Aide® works. For more severe pain other measures are needed; like a cast to rest the fractured area,  crutches to maintain mobility, extra protein to promote healing, or the reassurance from the doctor that all will be well.

Philip Yancey's book, Pain: the Gift Nobody Wants carries a warning on the cover: Life without pain could really hurt you. It is the story of Dr. Paul Brand's work with leprosy. The lack of pain is what causes the loss of body parts in leprosy. Think about it. You cut your finger or stub your toe and you immediately stop what your doing. Pain is obeyed. You move the vacuum cleaner so it won't be in the way again. You cleanse and place a dressing over a cut to stop infection.  And pain lingers in our mind. It has the potential to protect us from a repeat occurrence, to warn us of possible trouble so we can prevent it― stomach discomfort before an ulcer, or to cripple us― never vacuuming because last time you stubbed your toe om the vacuum. [smile]

Scripture also tells us that pain is a gift. It is a teacher, a preparer, a strengthener and more. How we use it is our choice though. It can teach us tolerance and understanding. It can prepare us to be more compassionate and responsive. It can bring us closer to the Lord.

One of those recent painful nights, my pain medication wasn't working as well and I was unable to sleep. I had tried changing positions, using ice, willing my brain to overlook it . . . Why is it that we always try to fix things ourselves?

I knew others were praying for me, but I wasn't. Finally, I called out to God. Within 20 minutes my pain had decreased enough for me to rest, to sleep, to heal. Part of that healing was drawing closer to my Lord, the Great Physician. In the days to follow, I spent precious hours in conversation with Him, reading scripture and other books to lift me up spiritually.

Whether physical or emotional pain, God never wastes our pain. Steve Shores* put it this way: “...affliction will be turned into an obedient creation, whose joy will be to weave skeins of glory in which I will be wrapped as in a splendid robe.”

Can you picture that comforting robe surrounding you like a cocoon, a giant hug, a mama's kiss? Can you feel it? God is always there to hold us, to strengthen us, to instruct us for His work. The ultimate result is the joy and glory that will last an eternity.

“Emotion honestly faced before a loving God becomes worship because feelings show us either blessedness (joy, gladness, triumph, hope) or our neediness (anger, grief, sadness,fear).”*

When I took my pain to Him, it truly was a sweet time of worship, of learning, of giving God control, of knowing, in a deeper way, how much He loves me.  

Whether your pain is physical, emotional, or spiritual, it will not be wasted. God will use it! And you can have the blessed opportunity to worship Him with openness, honesty, and gratitude. As you rest in He―who wonderfully and perfectly knit you together, who knew your name before it was given, who will meet your every need, and who loves you as you are―you will be filled to overflowing with His hope and joy.